What? The Funk

I wish I could say that this title means that I’ve reconnected with my P-Funk loving self. While I’m one of a limited number of bald white guys who can get down with Bootsy and George, this is another boring tirade on why I haven’t written. Hang on to your adult diapers everyone, it’s going to be a Matlock kind of ride today.

The word “surly” is fairly prevalent in my daily life lately. Between a government that wants ME to take a pay cut to save the country money, but won’t lead by example, and increasing pressure from my brain to be a lazy sack of protoplasm, I haven’t had much to say that wouldn’t spark immediate, ridiculous, conflict. And that’s not what this place is supposed to be about. It’s supposed to be about self aggrandizement and fun.

For those of you paying attention all these…months, I have a mentor, someone who keeps track of my writing and lets me know when I’m being a slack-ass.

Her: Hey, did you give up, giver-upper?

Me: No, I’m on an extended procrastination break, my master.

It’s tough being an apprentice to a blogging Sith.

She’s got a point, though: why am I not writing? My well thought out answer? Because.

I’ve been wrapped up in any number of inane activities that mean I have no time for writing. At least, that’s what The Lazy whispers in my ears when I feel guilty. The truth of the matter is that I’ve been focused on more than a few other endeavors lately. Since you’re reading this now, I’ll assume you want to know what has kept me enraptured like a 12-yr-old girl listening to talentless teens.

Neil Gaiman has written many books that I’ve devoured like fried goods at a southern buffet, but The Ocean at the End of the Lane is by far my favorite. I’ve read American Gods, Neverwhere, and Good Omens, which he co-wrote with Terry Pratchett, but Ocean left me feeling like all of the childhood fantasies I created in my own back yard were true. It’s the kind of tale that leads you as an adult to the mystical door you created as a child, but denied once you started paying rent…or mortgage. I never wanted it to end, but at least it gives you hope.

The next piece of distraction I’ve buried myself in is from one of my favorite authors, Max Barry. My first introduction to his work was a loaned copy of Syrup, which I thought would be a sappy love story for girlie-girls. Turns out, it transcended bullshit gender roles and took me for a nut-slapping ride through Marketing 101 and Douchebaggery 201. I liked it so much, I not only bought that one, but proceeded to purchase Jennifer Government, which is a lovely tale of a dystopian future where corporations own everything…including you, if you have a job. Not too far from the mark now, huh?

His next offering, Lexicon, took me by the DNA and essentially imprinted itself on my soul. This is one of the few books I can honestly say I was sad to see end. Most books, the story is told, the battles are won and the characters you identify most with (if you’re not a sociopath) get the girl/guy/gold. With Lexicon, Max weaves so much of modern society and current events into it, that you don’t even have to look for parallels in today’s concerns: they’re slathered like butter on southern biscuits. This is the kind of book that will make you feel vindicated when you say, “I KNEW the media was lying to us.” While it is technically science fiction, the premise is more sciencey than fictiony. And it’s spooky. All I’m saying is, if you don’t read this book, you’re more lazy and frightened of success than I am.

Aside from those two offerings, my time has been filled with work, games and guilt.

Work is what it is: crap on a furloughed cracker served by a corrupt government to further their own greed.

As far as games go, all my free time has been spent in one of the popular MMOs (Massively Multiplayer Online games) out there. Since I won’t advertise for free, let’s just say that it isn’t the one based on elves, dragons and trolls. It’s the one based on laser swords, bad guys with matching uniforms and giant slugs with slaves. I think it’s safe to say I’m addicted. If some Imperial sniper ganks you on a desert planet where those aren’t the droids you’re looking for, blow me a kiss.

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5 Comments on “What? The Funk”

  1. Meg Says:

    Not bad for “not writing”, so see? You do have something say. 🙂

  2. mary Says:

    Neil Gaiman is my new favorite writer. Thank you for recommending Ocean! Now I have to check out Max Barry.

  3. Katie Says:

    Reading? Good. Gaming? Acceptable. As long as it doesn’t interfere with your writing. Just keep swimming. 🙂 By the way, you might be my tipping point for convincing me to read more sci fi. I’ve dabbled in fantasy with Game of Thrones…. might be time to step it up a notch.

    • renpiti Says:

      Lexicon would be a great intro into “sci-fi” for you, as it is set in fairly modern times with settings and people you can relate to. As I mentioned before, it’s more rooted in science than most sci-fi. Now that I know what was really going on with that book, I may read it again, just to get wrapped up in the story all over. Justin would love this book.


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