Blips on your Friday radar

In lieu of something substantial this week, I thought I’d stream some nonsense across this page and see what stays with you. For instance, it’s apparently very annoying to your co-workers if you sing the gibberish beginning of that Kid Rock song over and over. Now you’ve got another weapon in your pestering arsenal.

Have you ever noticed how the word arsenal starts with the word arse?

Since my game reviews tend to come only after everyone else has already tossed the game into the local trade-in store’s greasy pre-molested bin, and/or soulless superstore chains put them on sale for less than half their original price, I think I’ll start calling my posts $20 Reviews. Either that, or the much longer title I know I’m late to the party, but what’s the rush when you’re playing games the big companies convince you to get at midnight on release day because they know you have no life. They’ve both got their appeal.

If you haven’t noticed, I tend to try my best not to cast aspersions on creative people in a caffeinated, cheese-puffed rage that channels all of my pent up frustrations at never having created anything similar and focuses it like a maladjusted, anti-social laser on processes I can’t possibly understand. While I will point out features and functionality in games that might not resonate with me, it’s always with the knowledge that if my life depended on coding a pixel that moves to touch another pixel, you’d be spared these rambling posts for the rest of your own lives.

Along those same lines, I’ve long abandoned the tendency to wonder publicly if my soul was stolen or damaged by any given film or television project that I don’t personally appreciate. When you work in that industry, even at the lower levels where I lurk, you see the hard work and dedication everyone involved puts into every project. Spend a couple of 60-hr weeks on a set getting paid to pretend, then see how you feel when some basement-bachelor gastropod posts a foaming-at-the-mouth review of the work you just put in. My guess is, you’d feel like Ewe Boll and want to challenge these angst-ridden bile-bags to a publicized boxing match. Watch the movie Heckler on Netflix and see what you look like to the creative world when you bash people who have the stones to put themselves and their work up for the world to see without the veil of protective anonymity the Internet allows. It’s kind of fun to watch some smart-mouthed joystick jockeys get their posteriors handed to them by the filmmaker they blasted in their reviews.

Achebeyo and I are headed to Curaçao soon, if she doesn’t murder me in my sleep over a bag of mouth-destroying chips. Note to anyone still paying attention: never snarkily state your preference for roasted fecal-flakes over the product that was lovingly bought for you as a snack-surprise. If I survive until then, the Curaçao trip should provide some excellent stories and some beautiful dives that I can share with those of you still putting up with my nonsense.

If you love a good, quirky-fun story that also incorporates some elements of action and adventure movies, give Seven Psychopaths a try. The ensemble cast does a great job of playing their roles as average, everyday psychopaths, and I don’t think I’ve ever enjoyed a performance by either Christopher Walken (whom I admire greatly) or Sam Rockwell (one of my all-time favorite actors) more. Of course, Woody Harrelson and Colin Farrell deliver excellent performances that will make you wonder how you thought you knew their respective acting ranges. It’s the kind of movie that is poking fun at itself, while telling a few darker stories within the larger one. And if you don’t like it, do the honorable thing and challenge Martin McDonagh to a public fistfight…or, you know, write, direct, produce and film something comparable and see what kind of reviews you can get.

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